Farmer Heem Arrives at SAFECON


Dublin, OH

Late this afternoon reports of a possible sighting of Farmer Heem surfaced in the PGNN action room. As of yet there is no confirmation that this alleged farmer has actually been sighted in the area, but the larger than usual number of John Deer tractors leads us at PGNN to believe that Farmer Heem will show up soon. The only hard evidence we have of something out of the ordinary is a grainy photo of a vehicle similar to the farmer’s daily driver, shown to the right.  

 Right now we can only speculate, but rumor has it that Farmer Heem is looking for an item that he lost approximately two years ago. Despite our best efforts, PGNN can only decipher that whatever he is looking for has something to do with DAN*ERC*N. The missing letters were illegible in the transcript we received.

Keep up to date as we continue to report the latest braking news to you.


Restaurant Review: Indianapolis

As the Golden Eagles Flight team took Indianapolis by storm on Sunday evening, a very familiar question popped into everyone’s mind. “What’s for dinner?” The question was answered by the team’s restaurant expert known only by the name of Beerye. He directed the team to a tax free startup restaurant called Caged Rage. Caged Rage is located near Indianapolis International Airport in a former martial arts nunchuck training studio. Although the space is small the team members could not stop raving about the signature “Smashed Potatoes.” “These are the best potatoes I’ve ever had, I might not be able to leave,” stated one anonymous team member.

Restaurant owner Carlton White had this to say:

“Smashed Potatoes are an idea I had late one night, and with the opening of Caged Rage I’m finally able to make this patented dream a reality. The idea is quite simple, normal mashed potatoes are bland, boring, and blah. There is just no love put into the mashing. With our Smashed Potatoes we hand smash the potatoes right in front of the customer, showing them how fresh and cared for their potatoes are.”

“A partially balding middle aged man will bring all the necessary ingredients to the customer’s table on a specially modified guacamole cart. He will do the necessary preparations and then will begin smashing the potatoes with his fists until they are tenderized to the customer’s liking. The Smashed Potato is then transferred to the customer’s plate, it’s really a flawless idea.”

In addition to the martial arts ambiance that the restaurant presents, it is also a Nicholas Cage tribute museum. As Nick looks down on every table in the restaurant it seems as though you can’t quite escape his charming stare. There is at least one picture from each of his 72 film credits along with countless other memorabilia and artifacts.

If you choose to go to Caged Rage, you really can’t go wrong. Between the excellent food and incredible ambiance, this place has some real potential.


Flight Team Wreaks Havoc in Local Texas Restaurant

Certain members of Prescott’s Golden Eagles Flight Team recently ventured to a local hotspot in Amarillo Texas known as The Big Texan. The motivation for this escapade is still under question at this time, but preliminary reports reveal that a member of the team claimed he would accept the restaurant’s “challenge” to eat a 72oz steak along with multiple sides, all while being watched by a crew of restaurant “judges.” Another theory presented by Texas expert Richter Von Griftenstein is that the individual simply wanted a free ride in a limousine and had absolutely no intent to take on the challenge.

I don’t think he ever intended to complete the challenge. The Cadillac stretch limo with steer horns mounted on the hood was just too tempting for him to resist.

PGNN correspondent/Texas food challenge historian, Michelle Bowlington, reports that just last Sunday a local woman completed the Big Texan Challenge 3 times in just 20 minutes.

It happened faster than I could blink my eyes. The food was there and then within an instant it was gone.

As more details emerge about the conclusion of this restaurant jaunt, PGNN will be your only source for information. Continue to follow PGNN for braking news updates on this story as well as others, including tracking the NIFA front and safety alerts on the whereabouts of Chester Mills. Remember to use #brakingnews to grab our attention.



As NIFA SAFECON 2015 looms in the not so distant future, collegiate flight teams prepare for the arduous trek to THE Ohio State University. The Prescott Golden Eagles Flight Team or GEFT (pronounced jeft) are finalizing their departure plans from Prescott as well as their arrival plans in Columbus. Meanwhile as the competition grows ever nearer, NIFA has made a groundbreaking decision. After reviewing their policies and bylaws, NIFA has come to the realization that last year’s national title was given in error. The specific article in question states “Each competing team must be represented by a mascot which 1) Exists, and 2) Is a nationally recognizable symbol.” After consulting the fine folks at NIFA has determined that the mascot of the 2014 national champions breaks both of these rules. In light of this discovery, council members decided that the best way to rectify this debacle is to “redo” the competition, effectively making last year’s results invalid. The current plan is to hold NIFA SAFECON 2014 in conjunction with NIFA SAFECON 2015. Brain_IDEA_vprAn anonymous NIFA representative agreed to give exclusive information to PGNN stating “Since competition always runs very smoothly without any problems, we didn’t think it would be a problem to just double each event. One score will count for 2014 and one score will count for 2015, no big deal.”

Meanwhile in Prescott, GEFT members question why the national title can’t go to the second highest scoring team. Former team member IMG_0005Chester Mills stated, “I already took my motor home to Ohio twice, I don’t think it’ll make it again. I’m on the DL right now anyway since I’ve got some heat from the fuzz.” When NIFA was questioned their representatives simply stated, “It’s already set in our heads, it’s too late to change anything now.”

As competition nears, PGNN will be your exclusive provider of breaking news updates from SAFECON 2015/2014. Check for daily updates and use #brakingnews to catch our attention.


Possible Sightings of Chester Mills


San Diego, CA

This just in to PGNN. We have local reports and sightings of a man seemingly similar to the now infamous “Chester Mills” roaming around the El Cajon area. Local police are taking this matter very seriously and are looking into it. We were able to reach a local law enforcement officer for more information and this is what he had to say on the matter.

Everyone just needs to chill, Chester Mills is nowhere near the San Diego area at this time. The reports we have received were from prank callers trying to be “to cool for school”.

Local Elementary and Pre-schools were placed on an hour long lock down before Police could clear up the mess from the prank callers. Schools have been notified to keep watch and remain vigilant, especially around recess and any play time outside near chain link fences. “This local community does not need to go through the horrific nightmare that Dublin went through in last May” said one woman.

Although local authorities have reassured the public that ChesterMills has not been sighted, several people have insisted that what they saw was ChesterMills. The only conclusion is with the significant amount of RVs descending into the area and many white vans around the area that ChesterMills must be driving one of them. Free Candy could be seen on one of the vans driving away quickly from a local park near a pre-school.image

Several RVs located just outside the airport perimeter fence have local competitors worried. “Emotions are hard to deal with during competition” said one local competitor.

As we await more information stay tuned to PGNN, your BRAKING News Network.

-Michelle Bowlington, Staff Reporter

Local Airline Pilot Mysteriously Appears; Causes Mayhem

A local airline pilot recognized only by his short stature and boyish charm was recognized by several members of NIFA on Tuesday. His reason for showing up in El Cajon has yet to be confirmed, but several anonymous sources have reported mayhem and destruction in the wake of his shenanigans. One such instance is reported to involve a large number of “Fruit by the Foot” and a large banana with a “creepy smile and mustache.”

This reporter caught a glimpse of the individual and overheard snippets of a conversation that included the phrase “I just can’t hit the line in a CRJ… I F*****G QUIT!” After this fit of hangriness the individual stormed off in a huff.

As more news is learned of this debacle, updates will be released.


Region II Competition Looms

San Diego, CAimage

As the day begins in San Diego, a bustle of activity descends upon the Gillespie airport. Schools and judges begin arriving from throughout the western United States, for the start of the prestigious Regional SAFECON, 2014. Schools that have braved the low ceilings and questionable weather en route to the field include SDCC, SJSU, Mt SAC, USAFA, CBU, and ERAU.

As the teams gather in the hangar, conversations start up, ranging from excitement for the upcoming competition to crying over a mixed up coffee order; a fitting start to this year’s region II competition. With one day to go teams are frantically working to get some last minute practice in, but
are slowed by low ceilings and sheisty winds. Practice goes on, yet everyone is waiting for news of the next debacle.

Be sure to check the PGNN often for all of your Region II SAFECON updates, to satisfy your #BRAKINGNEWS needs.

SAFECON Fashion Dos and Don’ts

At the 2014 SAFECON competition kick-off Monday, the prestigious ground events room and its vicinity revealed some shocking fashion statements, some of which were acceptable, while others should have never left the FBO. It has become blatantly obvious that pilots have a very unique skill-set, strictly limited to flying aircraft, and therefore simply have no sense of what is right or wrong with their outward appearance. To counteract this most-unfortunate shortfall, we have compiled a list of fashion dos and don’ts for competitors to comply with during the remainder of SAFECON 2014.

1.) Fanny Pack, featuring Princess Sticker: DON’T
In the past, ‘fanny pack’ may have been the first thing you put on your annual SAFECON packing list. You hunted one down on the shelf at Walmart and perhaps even decorated it with a lovely princess sticker. “There is no better way to keep all my pens, pencils, highlighters, expo markers, and fold-up plotters together for the triple-threat ground events!” you once thought. Well, NOT ANYMORE. Grab a rubber band, slide them in your E6-B case, or even hold them in your dependable, airplane-flying hands; it’s your choice. All of the above will work splendidly, and you will not have excess baggage haphazardly strapped on, deterring from the supreme coolness of your embroidered polo during competition.

2.) Bedazzled Belts: DON’T
Belts can be boring, we get it. But please keep them that way.

3.) Teams Matching Other Teams: DON’T
“See and avoid” should be your motto after observing what other teams have come up with for their competition attire. It will be beneficial to you and your teammates to be easily distinguished from other teams. In other words, don’t be like Mankato. This team is back at SAFECON for the 3rd year in a row, and have not learned a thing. They still show up to practice week wearing golden-yellow t-shirts that are virtually identical to Daytona’s, and during competition week, out come the purple polos and black pants, eerily similar to K-State’s uniforms.

“I was practically scarred for life when I almost sat down by the wrong team at breakfast one morning.” said a Mankato competitor. “Daytona stays at the same hotel as us, and with everyone wearing the same yellow shirts, it’s a living nightmare. I don’t have a problem sitting by other teams, but in the morning? You just don’t know who is a morning person, and who isn’t…horrifying thought.”

Another Mankato native boarded a Daytona van one fateful morning, and didn’t even realize the coach was not Mankato’s until several minutes had passed, and the van had become filled with Daytona’s team.

Don’t allow yourself to be thrown into these disturbing situations. Get your own uniforms.

4.) Giant Watches and Aviators: DO
If there’s one thing every person at this competition knows how to do, it is fly airplanes. And everyone knows that it is impossible to do so without aviator sunglasses and a humongous watch, possibly even equipped with stealth E6-B capabilities. Keep up the good work, men! (And all 6 of you ladies too.)

Fashion is an icy runway, and if NIFA SAFECON apparel has taught me anything, it’s that embroidered polos are definitely around to stay.

~ Penelope Yak-Kamov, field reporter
Madame Katrina Storm, consultant

Competitors Stunned after NIFA Announcement

Dublin, OHimage

Early this morning NIFA announced some changes they would be making during this
years SAFECON, chief of which being the points awarded for different events. The power off and power on landings will now be only weighted at 20 points for first place while Message Drop would be picking up the lost points from the two landings.

With these changes the first place contestant in message drop will bring back 60 points for their team.

“This year we made a serious effort to evaluate the applicability of the events at SAFECON. We looked at every event individually and determined that the one skill that is most commonly used later on in students careers is most present in Message Drop. Proficiency in this event can lead to thousands of dollars worth of future gains, both for NIFA and our competitors. Think of it as an investment in our future, instead of another last minute rule change.” -Richard G Smith III

Immediately after the changes were released, hangar 7 erupted in thunderous complaints from every team present.

“I don’t understand why they didn’t do this sooner. We’ve been practicing message drop every week, and every student we have has benefited from it.”

“Just like NIFA, another last second rule change. At least this time it’s a step in the right direction.”

These proposed rule changes will drastically alter practices for some teams, but to get some perspective on the effects of the rule changes, the PGNN spoke to our Message Drop experts from Colorado Springs.

“The event itself is very basic and easy to practice, but difficult to master. Honestly competitors should be required to earn the title of ‘dropmaster.’ During our practices we’ve developed a ranking system where people in the event start out as a ‘drop apprentice third class,’ and move up until they eventually earn the title of ‘dropmaster.’ We really believe this kind of order is the key to success in this event.”


SAFECON 2014 Blasts Off with Annual Talent Show

Dublin, OH

Today marked the start of the much anticipated SAFECON 2014, in Dublin OH.

The national event was kicked off this morning with the annual talent show, showcasing the various skills that each team brings to the competition. Some of the higher ranked performances were that of TSTC, The OSU, and ERAU-Daytona; yet every team elicited applause from the enthralled audience.

“It’s my favorite event by far. Most people think the landings or the ground event tests are the heart of SAFECON, but really, we’re only here for the talent show.” – Dick Smithers III

Shortly after the talent show had been concluded, some of the less anticipated events were held at a disturbingly far location.

While the PGNN was on site during the tests, no opinion could be formed, as it seemed like everyone had their own opinion about their test. Here are some of the comments the PGNN overheard:

“I looked at the Computer Accuracy exam and decided it would be more worth my time to draw on the answer sheet.”

“I definitely got a 180 on that test. The right answer was the first choice in every column, and the fill ins were all the same plane; easiest test I’ve ever seen.”

“Well, all I can say is at least I beat Scott J. Meyer this year.”

Check back for more #BRAKINGNEWS later on this week.